This page contains affiliate links. I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. Katie is a writer and translator with a focus on travel, self-care and sustainability. She's based between a cave house in Granada, Spain, and the coast of beautiful Cornwall, England.
She spends her free time hiking, exploring, eating vegan tapas and volunteering for a local dog shelter. As human beings, we like to take the easy route whenever we can get away with it. By Katie Uniacke - Last updated on 19th January Katie Uniacke Katie is a writer and translator with a focus on travel, self-care and sustainability. According to Nelson, someone who feels guilty for cheating is usually better off keeping the affair under wraps.
Although telling could make the cheater feel better for getting the affair off their chest, it could put their partner in a not-so-great position where they feel bad about themselves or like they can't trust the cheater anymore.
That's why she suggested asking yourself why you cheated and whether those reasons have to do with existing relationship problems. If they do, it could be a sign you should tell your partner you cheated so you can work toward a stronger and healthier relationship. But if you simply cheated in a moment of weakness, feel guilty enough to swear off affairs for good, and feel happy in your current relationship, it could be best to keep your actions a secret and move on.
World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. Click here to learn more. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. Julia Naftulin. That doesn't necessarily mean you should tell your partner about what happened.
Ruth Westheimer , a year-old sex therapist who's been practicing for decades, said in most cases of one-time infidelity, it's best to keep your affair under wraps. In that case, telling your partner won't accomplish anything other than potentially helping you feel less guilty.
But you'll probably just feel worse, because once you've told them, you've gone from doing something that doesn't even affect them unless STIs are involved to directly hurting them. It's worth noting, though, that there are some people who want to know even in this case. Andy, 29, tells Bustle he's glad his ex told him that she cheated, because it helped him end a relationship that wasn't working anyway and led him to get over her faster.
Duley would say the same thing if you're having an affair or have had multiple hookups but you plan to stop, as long as you truly want to stay with your partner.
There is no value to the relationship in sharing events that will no longer be happening," she says. It's very selfish, I feel, to burden your partner with this information, especially if you have no intention of continuing this behavior.
It's your burden so it's up to you to work on it. The next step, then, is to find another way to fulfill the needs you were trying to fulfill by cheating, whether that's by working on your relationship or doing some personal work on yourself. If your partner has asked you if you've cheated, they've already solved this dilemma for you: They want to know.
So, you're not doing them a disservice by telling them.
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